What Google can tell us about marriage


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By Go Ask eve

Our job at eve is finding the perfect wedding venue for happy couples, so when it comes to marriage, our opinion is formed on wedding days – and in our opinion there’s only magic in marriage. Recently we did some research into Google search history and search volumes to find out what the UK’s lovebirds really cared about, and it turns out the magic doesn’t last forever… but the love can. We don’t want to put you off, so if you start reading, make sure you’ve got a cup of something warm and a will to read to the end. Let’s dive in…

The wedding jitters – it’s more people than you think
The coronavirus pandemic has put the wedding world into a spin and lots of brides and grooms are looking for last minute venues to get wed. When investigating popular search terms, we discovered that no less than 70 people per month are searching for ‘how to call off a wedding last minute’ in the UK alone. Damn!

Our husbands are worrying us
‘Why does my husband hate me’: 170 searches per month in the UK. On the surface it’s an interesting one to ask Dr Google who knows literally *nothing* about your relationship – but hey, Google knows everything, right? – but honestly this one made us feel a bit sad.

Some other popular entries to the husband-bashing category were ‘why does my husband bring up my past’, ‘why does my husband hide his phone’ and ‘why does my husband ignore me’, all with 90 searches per month. That’s a lot of people feeling that their husbands either don’t like them or have something to hide (spoiler alert: they feel the same about us, too).

And yet, our pets prefer them
‘Why does my dog bite me and not my husband’ gets an incredible 140 searches per month from people in the UK.

It’s the cats, too: ‘why does my cat attack me but not my husband’ – 50 searches.

We are concerned for their health, though
Whilst our husbands might irritate us (judging by the 50 searches per month for that), we do care for their welfare, it would seem.

If you’re one of the 90 people this month who asked Google why their husband’s sweat smells sour, that’s not something we can help you with, but you might have better luck consulting your ~actual~ Doctor over your search engine.

In case you were wondering (come on, we know you are), between 40-50 people per month are also querying snoring and burping – alongside the 30 of us who are concerned about our sweetheart’s leg cramps.

They’re not all bad
Amongst all of that, though, there are still 1,600 people who used Google simply to express their love this month, with the search ‘I love my husband.’ Aww.

So what are they saying about us?
Ahh, the tables have turned. It’s fair to say that in any ‘husband’ related search, the men in our lives don’t do too well. But ladies, it’s not all rosy for you, either.

They want to know why we sleep so much
Guilty. 90 searches per month.

We worry them as much as they worry us
The search engine landscape really does give you both sides: whilst 170 of us wonder if our husbands even like us, 110 of them are doing the same – alongside 50 who turn to google to find out ‘why does my wife hate everything I do’ (plus many, many concerns about sex). They’re not stupid though: ‘why does my wife think I don’t love her’ gets 20 searches a month – perhaps some of the husbands searching that are married to the women who are asking Google why their hubbies hate them?

They’re also wondering about the pets
‘Why does my dog follow me and not my wife’ has 20 men per month looking to Google for the answers as to why our pets prefer them to us. Oh, piss off.

And our relationships in general?
It would seem that Google is the guru when it comes to relationship advice, with hundreds of search engine users turning to their keyboards to have their burning questions answered.

For 90 of us each month, our own bad moods are affecting our relationships, whilst the same number of people wonder how they might feel more secure. Lots of people are looking to spice it up, whilst a whopping 70 people per month claim that ‘Facebook ruined [my] relationship.’

We like a quiz to help us make up our minds
Including anything and everything from ‘should I end my relationship quiz’ (260 per month), ‘am I happy in my relationship quiz’ (210) and ‘when will my relationship end quiz’ (90) to ‘how to save my relationship quiz’ (70). Who knew Google had a crystal ball?

What we’ve learned
This data may have given us some insight into relationships (and a few laughs) but the genuine lesson is actually that we all have the same concerns.

It’s not all negative though, we’ve seen hundreds of gorgeously in love couples on their wedding days and there are plenty of searches that show all the lovely bits about marriage (just not as many, we only ask about the bad bits, remember) and we should tell you that 1,600 searches take place each month for the term ‘diamond wedding anniversary gifts.’ Sweet.